The internet and children…teaching safety
May 8, 2008Having a 13 year old niece that I help to raise, I am very conscious of what she is exposed to on the Internet. She actually owns 2 laptops, but BOTH are monitored by me personally. Both are locked down by parental controls. She does not have unsupervised access at any time.
Years ago, I did some private tutoring for American women in my American women’s club in the UK. I would fix their computers and help them get online. I also would place parental controls on for their children. Many parents asked me why it was that I felt this was essential even with children as old as 15.
My reply was: “Giving a child free reign to the internet is like taking your child and dropping them off in a big city and telling them to have a good time without any supervision, protection, or guidance. It is THAT dangerous.”
When discussing this with my niece who was 12 years old when I gave her the first laptop, she was obviously unhappy with the idea that her computer would be locked down. I got real with her. I told her how dangerous the Internet was. I offered to show her myself exactly what was out there as far as pictures and gross things to be seen. From Porn, to other types of abuse. I also explained to her about men pretending to be children to lure real children from the safety of their homes. Once she understood that this really wasn’t something that SHE wanted to deal with, she was perfectly happy to have the controls placed. I also told her that with experience and knowledge and age I would need to guide her less and less, like everything else in life.
I am very lucky with my niece. She’s a very good kid. She’s responsible and wise for her age. You can reason with her as long as you explain the situation to her in a reasonable fashion. We have that trust.
I do not allow her to have a myspace account. I don’t allow her to “chat” or have an IM account to talk with her friends. She does have an IM account, but I limit who she speaks to. She is not allowed to add anyone without approval. I have to know them first. I don’t allow her to post her pictures on the net, or give out any personal information. She’s shown an interest in having a blog, but I am hesitant to allow it as I don’t live with her regularly and my control over its content wouldn’t be absolute. Who knows who she could come in contact with. For now, I don’t feel that it is safe.
If she decides to blog, I will add her as a guest blogger on my account. That at least will give me a little more control. We’ll see.
There are so many pressures and stresses out there these days for children to face. So many dangers. Whilst I believe in preparing my niece for the world, and not filling her with fear, I also don’t feel she is ready to simply be thrown into the deep end. I wouldn’t leave her alone in a big city…. why would I leave her alone here???
it’s a good thing you are actively monitoring her. it’s not about not giving the freedom. it’s actually protecting them. the trust issue is not between your niece and you.. it’s between her innocence and the rest of the world.
Wow, it’s like you love your niece or something!
Having raised three daughters and starting over with our “new kids” (4&6) I too can attest to the dangers of the internet. Although we had to learn some things the hard way, we did learn.
Some day your niece will thank you and I would even say that on some level she is also thankful. She can “blame” you when she has to tell some jerk that she can’t add them to her lists. You give her an out and many young girls need that these days.
Thanks for taking the time to share and most of all thanks for taking the time to protect the innocent.
I like your analogy of simply dropping off your child in the middle of a big city without supervision. I give my old computers (as I get new ones) to my nephew who has four children. I’m also harping on the dangers but I think your analogy will work better. I go tomorrow armed with a better analogy. Thanks!
Pat
Hi Amber, I also like your analogy. Very much. The problem is, too many parents I talk with answer just like kids themselves: “But all the other parents are doing it!
Amber, I wrote you a personal email about your interview, not sure if you received it? Sorry to ask you here in this forum but it seems like the only way to follow up.
Psych
I dont see the reason for being so strict with with the parent controll. Drawing paralells to my own sister now 15 years she had IM account for atleast past 4 years. She controlls it, she add the contacts(mostly classmates and football friends). being 19 miles away from her and my brother even further its a great way to still have contact on daily basis.
She just bought her own laptop, not that it changes anything since she had access to computer for years anyway, no parent controll. By default she knows if shes watching things she shouldnt. I belive in her own decitions to what to see and what to not see.
That being said I can say i made her realise something when she was about 8 years. There was a community for kids with chat windows, she was on chatting(cause I showed how to do it) on same time I logged on my own computer behind her and chatted with her. then turned around and said hey, nice to chat with you. Ofcourse she got surprised, but that made her see that you never know who you talking to online. for all she know it was just other kids online. This might be a harsh way, but it surely shows a point. even for a 8 year old. (that being said I dont think she went back to that chat ever again)
One thing I think is more important with kids online, is to limit their computer time. a kid should be out have fun etc and should not be inside 8 hours a day infront of computer. That being said we dont have any strict hour.pr.day time either.
currently she can: google whatever word, add IM contacts, browse forums, read news(she read newspaper several times a day) be alone with computer and its been that way for years.
Has she seen things shou shouldt online? Yes probably. Did it make her more mature? definately. If any problem accur she knows we are there to talk if she want to talk.