My how times have changed - dating teen style today…
May 8, 2008My little 13 year old niece Alex is staying with me this week. Poor little thing is pretty bummed out at the moment. Apparently her little “Boyfriend” that she has been “going around” with “kicked her to the curb” last Friday via text.
Now, being as strict as I am with her, you might wonder why it is that I allow her to have a “boyfriend”. Well, its because it isn’t a “boyfriend” of our understanding. Their relationship is 100% via text! LOL! They see each other at school. They get a 15 minute break, and a 45 minute lunch and that’s it. They live far apart, so they do not see each other after school at all. Alex goes to a special charter school and so none of her school friends live close or socialise normally.
It has been an interesting life lesson for her. The boy texted her to break-up, but didn’t say why. A couple of days later, he told her that he was now with a new girl. He and Alex continued to text back and forth like crazy. I said, “Honey, you should not text him if he belongs to someone else”. Just leave him alone. See if he texts you. So today she sat all day. Nothing. Not one text from him. I felt bad for her, but it was a good lesson.
I told her that boys don’t like to be chased. That you have to have enough respect for yourself to let them do the calling. You aren’t desperate. Wipe your feet and move on. Besides, if he is disrespectful enough to already be “seeing” one of your girlfriends, how great is he anyway?
I think that we should be more open with our daughters about the rules of relationships. I want Alex to have self respect. I don’t want her to feel like she has to have a boy to feel self-worth. I want her to know that it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. I want her to have respect for her soul, and respect for her body. Hopefully, that will save her alot of pain and heartache in the future.
Its a difficult time. I remember being 13. Alot of confusing things happening right now. Things have changed alot since I was that age. Kids are under more pressure to grow up, have sex and do other things than they were when I was her age. I guess knowledge in this case and being open is my only chance to combat this. Give her the tools she needs to handle these situations and just hope and pray for the best.
By the sounds of things she has the right mentor in you, how often are we asked “so do you have a boyfriend” like it is a life and death matter, that it defines us when it doesn’t. What a cruel horrible lesson to learn and via text… I agree with you if he’s with someone else so soon and with one of her girlfriends he’s toast, she’s worth WAY more than that scum bag!!! Give Alex a hug from me
She has gotten good advice via you. I can remember 13 very clearly too and I’m thinking I was still into my barbies. Times sure have changed and not for the better in my opinion. Kids aren’t kids nearly long enough. I know I was in a hurry to grow up too but I didn’t have the means to do that. I still remember my first “boyfriend” though I was much older that 13. I’m glad she has you to give her such good direction.
When I was 13 I thought I knew everything that I needed to know.
Now at 42 I know that I don’t know much of anything.
I can’t imagine having a boyfriend at such a young age. I am not certain I was even interested in boys at 13! But perhaps like your brother I am remembering what I want to remember and not the actual facts.
So the above is to demonstrate that 13 years olds need some independence and some direction, and Alex is fortunate to have some level-headed guidance from an awesome auntie.